20 signs you’re a long-distance runner
By: Trice Sweet
1. You are missing or have lost toenails in the past. Pedicures have become too horrifying and flip flops are worn with caution.
2. You have turned down nights out on the town because you have a long run planned the next day. You have also thrown caution to the wind and gone out anyways, telling your running partners the next day that you “had one too many.” In reality, you had about five too many.
3. You can’t pinpoint the moment when running got expensive, but all of a sudden, your bank account is dwindling and you can’t stop signing up for races. Between those and the fancy GPS watch you just had to have, the cute Nike running hat and all of that GU, you’re never going to be able to save up for retirement.
4. People think you are in a cult. They are almost right.
5. You classify yourself as a “morning runner” or an “evening runner” and can talk about why your time of the day is better and the other is inferior. (If you were wondering, I’m a morning runner because it increases productivity throughout and the day and you get to burn calories before you even eat them, duh).
6. At one point or another, you had a closet full of old running shoes with thousands of combined miles on them. If you haven’t freed up some space, I suggest you donate them to stores that will take them and be the philanthropic runner that you are.
7. Speaking of shoes, you hate heels. You also can’t remember the last time time you were dressed up enough to wear heels anyways. Sweat pants all damn day.
8. Your bucket list of awesome, international races is continually growing with no signs of stopping. The Great Wall Marathon? A marathon in Antarctica? Your running doesn’t discriminate. No but seriously, there’s a marathon in Antarctica that costs $15,000, everything included.
9. Running is your meditation, stress relief, Xanex and therapy. The fact that people pay for these things continually boggles your mind. Just use the road and some free time, okay?
10. Your very best friends are runners, or at least were runners at some point in their life. People who suffer together generally stay together and just thinking about some of those 10 mile runs in 90 degree weather makes you want to call them and just talk.
12. If you’re a girl, the number of sports bras you own is unlimited. Not to mention, you have every color known to man, including some tye-dye variations.
13. After a really fast run, you reward yourself with food, most likely pancakes.
14. Actually, you just eat a lot of food. All the time.
15. You might have lost a lot of weight because of running, but you’re way more concerned with your paces on the 12 miler you did last weekend and how to improve on some of the rough patches.
16. Lifting weights is great and you have fun with it, but someone please get me out of here and onto some trails.
17. You consider yourself slightly delusional because you know that running for three hours straight isn’t exactly healthy, but you literally cannot stop yourself.
18. You know Runner’s World magazine is for newbies (and maybe you’re a newbie) and even if you don’t enjoy it, you literally can’t stop reading it because it’s about running and you must consume all things running.
19. Races and vacations are generally interchangeable. Why would you travel somewhere without picking out at least a 5K or 10K?
20. You have gone days without showering because hello, you’re just going to get up the next morning and run again.